Changes.

For two years I've been going through changes. Maybe moving to London on my own was the gateway into adulthood, I don't know. So now it's time for some more.

I've been going through something, I'm not sure what, but now I occasionally get anxiety attacks, hyperventilation and all. Not fun. And I can't deal with stressful situations the way I once could.

So I figure, hey, you've got to deal with how things are now, not how they were, so I'm looking into different coping mechanisms, and things to do that help. A lot of them seem to involve leaving the stressful situation for 10 mins or until you calm down.

Well, one stressful situation proved to need more than 10 mins away from, so I have quit stage managing at Questors. Hopefully not forever, but definitely for the forseeable future.

It's time to take a back seat and just go and see shows for a while. Then I'll hopefully start helping again, do bar shifts, the tour, help in wardrobe and props. Work that is still, well, work, but is only in one area, instead of having to worry about all the areas.

I just need to take it easier for a while.

And hey, I just moved into a great flat with my boyfriend, it's nice to have some time now to be able to focus more on that, instead of us both hardly seeing each other. That wasn't fun.

Trouble is, I don't do well sitting around indoors not doing anything. Feels like I'm wasting my time off.

So I've gone for a couple more bike rides and I've emailed cycle training for a bike lesson. Hopefully I'll hear from them next week. I'm also looking for a fiddle teacher in ealing, although that is proving harder, and I must admit to feeling nervous. Finding a good teacher where we are right for each other and can work together might be hard, but then I might find the right teacher right away, who knows?

And I've also realised that there is something creative I can do all the time, and work as well.

Writing!

I had the urge to start this blog to record my experiences in london, and I often create short poems, often pretty random ones, and usually love poems. Men are my muse ;-)

And I have been writing a play on and off (mostly off) for a while now. Got hit by one of Terry Pratchetts inspiration particles and that was it. It's always stayed with me and has pretty much wrtten itself in my head already. Makes it difficult to write down actually, as it feels like I'm writing it twice which is really boring.

And mis-guides :-) one of my lecturers at uni really inspired me, he wrote 2 books of mis-guides (ways of seeing the world differently, or at least that's what they made me do), and it's great fun making up those. They should be appearing elsewhere on my blog. I'm going to put my attempts at writing all together, any comments appreciated.

So now i'm here, at my living room table, incense burning, alanis playing, notebook and textbook next to me.

It's just like being back at uni :-)